Much of the advice here is logistical, while other is emotional. Hey yall, I’m relatively new to this sub/community and I appreciate it so much. The side effects of your relationship are very real, and shouldn’t be ignored. The first is for those who are married and/or have kids. There is no medication that will fix them. Said she "loved me but was not in love with me." Drink with your friends without worry that you need to be home in 30 minutes or less. Think of the worst breakup you’ve had, or even seen. 10 ways to identify idealization-discard relationship cycle of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)-1. Originally I pushed very hard to reconcile, the last few weeks I weighed the pros and cons of the relationship as I waited for his next move. Now that you have a clearer understanding of initial attraction, let’s turn our attention to how your ex with BPD traits first attracted you. The more that you live off of your emotion, the more control they have over you. People with Borderline Personality Disorder have mastered the art of manipulation by pulling the wool over your eyes. It's pure gold. You may still feel anger towards your BPDex, however you’ll find it slowly goes away as time passes. As you develop, you begin to develop emotional coping skills. Not once in our relationship has she ever admitted fault and tell or show me she has the self-awareness of her faults and want to improve. However, once the person’s BPD symptoms starts to manifest, reality strikes and you may realize that you are in for more than you bargained for. If the wind blows the wrong way its your fault. Find people who understand you, and have been with you for years. -It was also a long month breakup because the words "It's over" wouldn't come out. That’s up to you to decide. It’s as if he/she became a completely different person. Again, I know she's in pain. You’re getting ready to do what they fear the most. It’s wise to find a higher ranking person in the local PD to explain what you’re going through and get hard documentation that you’re not an abusive spouse. I pick up with a thousand apologies and I'm met with confusion. Your mental health should be a priority. BPDSO: Borderline Personality Disorder Significant Other. They might claim to want a divorce and then react erratically when it actually happens. Not to much on the relationship. J Sex Marital Ther. Many people are trying medical marijuana to help them manage the side effects of their chronic Cbd For Borderline Personality Disorder Reddit conditions. Start looking at local apartments, and don’t inform your spouse of the location of your new residence when you announce the divorce. For quite a while after getting out of that nightmare house, I would wake up with panic attacks when I would see my bedroom door open in the middle of the night. You were a big inspiration for writing this. Block, MD What You Need to Know About Proximal Risk Factors and Mental Health. I still pushed for couples therapy. Their highs are absolutes, their lows are absolutes. She's doing that to more than you. If you’ve come to this sub-reddit, you’ve likely realized that you’re not alone in your feelings. Start documenting any and all instances that you can of behavior from your BPDex. Codependency groups are important if you still find a constant nagging feeling that you need to solve their problems or take care of them. If this isn’t possible, or if meeting in a public place isn’t feasible, then do what you can to protect yourself. How could this person that you love so much be abusing you? If you’ve found this guide, you’ve likely hit your end and realize that breaking up would be best for both of you. In moments of happiness, that is all they see. Also, I am unsure of whether or not the BPD person did the “discarding” or if they were the one discarded. To explain why it did score highly the site is to plead. Fleas: Borderline-like habits picked up from a relationship with a person with Borderline Personality Disorder. They may make attempts at contacting you, and still try to ruin your life. My BPD ex dumped me after a 3 yr relationship. I spend a large amount of time trying to understand BPD from a non biased view. Establish a relationship with them, and try to get a feel for how your PD handles domestic violence. Rising. All Others (Below Applies to Married Individuals as well). Join. They may cheat on you (and you should document this,) increase abuse, threaten you, guilt you, self-harm, threaten suicide, or any number of things to get you to stop doing what you’re doing. There’s not one correct way to go about it either, however I’ll do my best to offer general guidelines. If you go through my history you'll find I generally stick up for pwBPD as long as they are active in therapy, and even for those that aren't. Literally nothing is too crazy for them to do. This guide is for those that have tried everything in their power to make it work. It took a while for me to realize this. This alone could start that myriad of consequences mentioned above. Seeing these stories gives me hope that I'll live a functioning, happy life again. Rising. After all, her behaviors were being spelled out right in front of you on a borderline personality disorder website. A method of manipulation used by people with Borderline Personality Disorder. I'd like this guide to be applicable to anyone who needs it. Her pride is really up there. You can’t believe how quickly everything went down hill. Life after the aftermath is surprisingly good. I don't have much more to write in reference to those years, but occasionally I'm reminded of it as someone describes their own poisonous current/past relationships. Then the anxiety & fear that I made a mistake sets in because I start missing that person a lot. save. card. Open a P.O. If you’re here, you’re in a company of people that get it. Going through my own breakup I wrote this for myself as well. Let’s start with a look into how your BPDSO thinks. Are they willing to fight for this relationship as well? Of course at younger ages this is really difficult, so use your best judgement. First and foremost, remember that you are your biggest priority. Running with friends, learning in school, playing new games, etc. You may find that you even demonstrate some BPD tendencies of your own, and be worried you’ve somehow developed it. Press J to jump to the feed. User account menu. On your part, it’s going to take therapy and self-evaluation. I've gone through this sub and it further validates her behaviour on social media. Posted by. Warning: Your BPDSO will sense that you’re separating and improving. 9. Hot New Top. I don't think this a pride issue on her part, I genuinely feel that they just don't know. Whilst those that feel depression or anxiety can usually feel that this is different from their normal state of mind, people with BPD often fail to realise that their emotions and reactions are very different from the typical experience. You may have come from a broken home yourself and don’t your kids to grow up in a separated family situation. Medically reviewed by Steven Gans, MD How Borderline Personality Disorder Hurts Thinking … Find one who specializes in C-PTSD , codependency, and even BPD. What the hell happened? Unable to take responsibility for their actions, they blame everyone else for their faults. CW: Self Harm CW: Eating Disorders CW: Substance Abuse CW: Sexual Assault CW: Abuse CW: Suicide. When that time comes, and they’ve actually demonstrated it, you can consider talking again. You make a valid point that we will bear in mind. You’ve prioritized their needs above your own, and at the end of the day, still don’t have the stability that you crave from them. There is life after this relationship. When you’re ready, it’s time to move forward and let your BPDex go. You have to be okay being in a relationship that you get nothing out of. One of the main criteria of diagnosing Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is difficulty maintaining relationships. card classic compact. Direct support, personal anecdotes, et al., yes, but let's not pretend to be experts. Likely, friends and family won’t understand the gravity of what you’ve been through. They may take it well, or they may go off the handle. That their spouse loves them far more than they love their spouse. You’ve just suffered a traumatic life experience and it needs to be taken seriously. I don’t believe that they’re “monsters.” I believe they’re humans who have been dealt difficult cards in life, and have become extremely adept at getting their needs met through inappropriate and oftentimes abusive methods. Is this the kind of relationship you want to fight for? Through all of this, you should come out with a fresh perspective on life. However I can see she's in pain right now. My ex nearly destroyed my life, then tortured me through the divorce and custody process for a year and a half. Many lack self-awareness and are physically unable to see how they have harmed those around them. I need to hurt them first so I’m not the one getting hurt. Press J to jump to the feed. For the first time in a long time, you’re free. Especially if you're actively trying to make improvements in your life and feel that this portrayal of pwBPD is unfair. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. I had limited experience with my pwBPD. My Ex BPD would every 6-12 months send a text, or random e-mail. Many of us have dealt with the constant drama that comes up at a moment’s notice. On the flip side, maybe you were the one broken up with, and need emotional support and guidance on how to recover from the warzone you just left. I'm more of a listener type hence she enjoyed the company but whenever I spoke up she'll say 'dont be my psychiatrist". I can definitely see where this guide would scare new users away who are looking to work things out or perhaps are seeking a more compassionate view for their pwBPD. If it helps, her birthday's coming up next month. Do this in private, as best as possible. You may find that their family that once loved you now rejects you completely. The time and effort you put into helping others is truly appreciated. You may logically know that they’re a bad fit for you, but emotionally want them back. It would be impossible to make a vast generalization as to what all people who suffer from BPD would do in this situation. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. 1 comment. -The list of behaviors is what made me snap into reality. People with BPD are not monsters, but they can do truly monstrous things. She has no issues with her SO and is very grateful to DBT therapy for her improved life. Your friends and family need you to be the great person that you know you can be. Borderline Personality Disorder r/ BPD. Start pursuing your hobbies again, attend Codependent Anonymous meetings, do things that you’re passionate about. Log In Sign Up. Hot New Top Rising. READ MORE. As a pwBPD yourself I'm sure you understand that it's difficult for nons who are codependent to leave these types of relationships. Codependency: A damaging psychological disorder typically demonstrated from people in, or formerly apart of abusive relationships. If you feel something I've said isn't worded correctly, inform me. I’ve done my best to segment the two in an attempt at helping readers locate what they need most. Dating someone suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) can be immensely satisfying in the beginning – there is a lot of intense passion, excitement, and interesting conversation. I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH. Successfully holding a long term relationship with a pwBPD takes years of therapy on their part, and serious self-awareness. I have a ex-wife who was diagnosed with BPD 15 years ago. If you would like to make suggestions on how to improve section 2 (which I believe you're referring to) I would appreciate your perspective so I can make it more accurate and less offensive to all audiences. covert / generally non -raging] as I'm naturally adverse to the classic ‘acting -out’ variety. If coming out of a long relationship with a pwBPD, it’s still important to have evidence to protect yourself incase false accusations are made against you. However recent studies say that they're actually just too overloaded with their own emotions to notice the emotions in other people. We understand the heartache of waiting for our loved ones to become the person we fell in love with. Hot New Top. Whatever the case may be, don’t ignore your feelings. Whoever you are, we’re glad you’re here. Actually the behaviors listed above, while toxic if part of a pattern, are not traits specific to Borderline Personality Disorder or any personality disorder at all as defined by the DSM. It was actually really helpful towards my own decisions I've made recently. We asked our readers to share their stories. You need to be strong enough to resist their “hoovering” after the breakup. You will spend extensive energy trying to understand them. We were doing well till one day she declined all my calls saying she wants to be alone (she often goes into full retreat, hermit mode). Perhaps have a close friend nearby who can serve as a further witness of the happenings of the situation. Take as much time as you need. Appreciate any input. Broke up with my ex who is diagnosed with BPD, PTSD and has a history of self-harm (and er.. worse). Initially your ex would have presented herself as the kind of woman that anyone might be attracted to. Been posting a lot of whisper quotes, last night she posted a clip of the song Cups - where the song goes "will you miss me when I'm gone" along with a caption that says I love you mum/ dad etc- which she later deleted. This subreddit is an abuse support forum. Unfortunately she pulled the plug too early. ), Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself. Sorry about the wall of text/ramble. Great post! A 12 step program designed to help codependent individuals recover. These instances make you feel as if the world is going to end. Remember, you are cutting contact for yourself. With time however, it’s eventually time to move on. Borderline personality disorder (BPD) can cause a wide range of symptoms, which can be broadly grouped into 4 main areas. If you feel damaged from this relationship, that’s perfectly acceptable. The only exception should be to further support your court case. I'm used to that and I'll usually grant her 1-2 weeks of space. Posts Wiki Post Flair Info. Ask yourself if your BPDSO exhibits any, or most of these tendencies towards you. Finally, remember that therapist? "Borderline Personality Disorder". Life is an amazing experience, and it’s meant to be lived. A part of you feels that you can still make things work. A place for those who have BPD (also known as EUPD), their family members and friends, and anyone else who is interested in learning more about the mental illness.